Missing You
by Alica-Chan
Summary: After Ciel becomes a demon, Sebastian leaves him - who would want to be stuck with a child for eternity, anyway? Too proud to call him back, Ciel tries to manage his life without his butler. It works out fine until someone tries to take revenge and suddenly, Ciel's life as he knew it is falling apart... SebaCiel, hinted SomaxAgni, some OCs
1. Prologue

Prologue - Goodbye, Jill

"Please don't tell anyone about it", he said, a light blush on his face. He looked so very cute…

"I promise", I said.

"Not even your parents?"

"Not even my best friend", I promised.

He smiled shyly. "Thank you, Jill. You're really nice"

His compliment made me blush. My heart was racing in my chest... I was almost sure he could hear it.

"See you later, then", he said with a smile.

I left school and went home. There, I took a shower and dressed nicely before writing a note for my parents, telling them that I was going to see Kylie.

I didn't, of course. I went to the park.

Alois was already waiting for me.

"Hi", he exclaimed happily, "You really came"

I laughed a little. "Of course I came"

His bright blue eyes were shining as he took my hand. It felt nice, even though his hand was a little cold.

We walked around and talked about all kinds of stuff. We had so many things in common, too! We liked the same kind of music, we liked the same books, and even had the same hobbies! We matched perfectly, really, and I really hoped he felt the same way...

Eventually, Alois led me to a bench and we sat down.

"You're really sweet", he said softly. I blushed a little.

"You are, too"

He leant closer slowly until I could feel his sweet breath on my lips.

"Goodbye, Jill"

My eyes widened as I stared at him.

His eyes were shining bright red, and his teeth were glistening.

I wanted to ask him what this meant, why he had told me goodbye, why his eyes were like this all of a sudden, why there was a pentagram in his right eye…

But as I opened my mouth, he crushed his lips to mine.

There was a moment of pain, and then everything went black…


	2. I don't need you

Chapter One – I don't need you

I wiped my mouth, smiling bitterly.

_See? I don't need you._

Then I brought Jill into a forest outside the city.

By the time they'd start looking for her, I'd be gone.

By the time they'd find her, everyone would have forgotten about me.

Nobody had ever seen us together, neither at the park, nor at school. Jill would become what all my victims became: A side note in a local newspaper, and then people would start forgetting about her. In a few months, she would be on the news again, as 'Body found in forest' or something similar to that. People would take interest in her again – not because they really cared, mind you, only because something so horrible had happened to the poor thing –, the police would investigate a little, and eventually Jill's case would be put aside.

I returned to the house I was currently residing in and took my bag. My employees had already been sent ahead, and I had made sure there was not the tiniest little bit of proof left that I had lived there, that I even existed...

And I left.

Nobody would remember Alois Trancy. He would just disappear from this place, this city, even this world. And there was no connection between him and Ciel Phantomhive.

My next destination was London.

My mansion, and all those memories…

_But I don't need you._

Once there, I began unpacking my things, tears welling up in my eyes.

I still remembered everything about him. How he had waked me up in the morning, how he had washed and dressed me…

_But I'm having fun without you. I'm enjoying my life._

The last thing I took from my bag was the letter.

_I don't need someone like you… who can't even tell me about his... feelings, if you could even call it that, in person..._

I didn't need to read his words again. I knew them by heart.

_Young Master,_

_I am leaving. You are a burden to me, and I do not want to spend eternity with a child._

_I have needs you cannot fulfil, and staying with you does not have any advantages for me._

_I know the contract does still exist, and to my great dismay I remain bound to obey your orders. I also know that you will eventually call me back because you cannot deal with your problems by yourself, but I do hope that that is still a long time away._

_Yours sincerely,_

_Sebastian Michaelis_

At first, I had thought it was a joke, one of his usual pranks, that he was hiding somewhere behind the curtains just to watch my expression when I read his foolish letter. I would scold him - what was he thinking, playing tricks on his master like that? - and he would tease me in return, until our conversation would turn into friendly banter and everything would go back to normal.

But then, reality hit me. Sebastian was gone, and he wouldn't come back.

And I... I was too proud to call for him. I almost expected him to come back to me, to apologize and beg for forgiveness... I told myself he would, although I knew that he didn't need me. He had lived without me before, and his letter didn't leave any doubt about his feelings towards me.

So I just travelled from city to city, always changing names – I had been Ciel Phantomhive, Alois Trancy, Claude Faustus and Grell Sutcliff. I kept changing my haircut, and I always acted completely normal and unsuspicious.

My method always stayed the same, though: I went to a school, chose my victim - usually shy girls with only few friends - , asked them out to a lonely place, told them to not tell anyone about me, and then took their souls.

I didn't care about any of them, though. I missed Sebastian, and I wanted him to return to me.

But I wouldn't – couldn't - call for him. My pride didn't allow for me to admit that missed my butler, a lowly servant, a demon...

_Traitor..._

I put the letter under the pillow.

_But I don't need you, Sebastian. I don't care about you._

Hell, I'd do anything to get him back. Anything.

_But I don't need you... I'm just fine by myself, without you telling me what I can or can't, what I should or shouldn't do. I'm having much more fun without you... Everything's just perfect._

I threw myself on the bed.

_I don't need you._

Quietly sobbing into the pillow, I wondered when I had started feeling like this. I didn't care about Sebastian, did I? No, I surely didn't. But then... why did it hurt so much? Why did I feel rejected reading his letter? ...No, why would I? Sebastian had become a friend to me - almost a friend - so of course I felt let down when he left me without a word. There was nothing more to it.

Like I cared about that guy... Ha, he wished.

_I don't..._

_I need..._

_I want..._

_...Sebastian..._

"Sebastian... come back... please"

I knew he could hear me, even when my words were barely louder than a whisper.

Sebastian always heard me, right?

Hugging the pillow to my chest, I held my breath. And waited.

Would he come back?

_One minute..._

_Two minutes..._

_Three minutes..._

He wouldn't.

And I began sobbing again.


	3. I hate you

Chapter Two – I hate you

The Bakers' house was just like every other house in their street. It was a charming little brick building, completely identical to all the other houses, with a small garden behind it. Even the white lace curtains matched the neighbours' ones. The only individual element was the name plate next to the front door, which read Baker in a cursive font.

The Bakers, much like their house, were absolutely ordinary, almost boringly so.

Mr Adrian Baker was an average-looking man, around six feet tall, with warm brown eyes and hair. He was somewhere in his forties and ran a dentist's practice that earned him enough to provide for his family and send his kids to reputable private schools. He had a slight – or not-so-slight – potbelly, and he was balding, but that was okay. Everyone aged, after all.

Mary Baker, his wife, was a sweet woman in her late thirties. At only a little more than five feet, she certainly wasn't tall, but she made up for that with nearly unlimited energy and enthusiasm. She wasn't particularly beautiful – in fact, she was somewhat plain – but then, Adrian wasn't, either. During her free time, she liked to tend to the garden. Other than that, she was a loving wife and mother. She went to church every Sunday and sometimes seemed to believe that a few "Our fathers" and "Hail Marys" could solve everything. While that might make her seem a little naïve to some, in the eyes of her family, she was absolutely perfect.

Jill Baker was a rather shy fifteen-year-old girl. She went to a local high school and got fairly good grades – she wasn't top of her form, but she certainly wasn't dumb either. On Tuesdays after school, she went to her book club. She cherished reading like her mother cherished her garden. Jill had a good relationship towards her parents – she wasn't the rebellious kind of teenager – and rarely ever argued with them, and when she did, it was about her having blocked the bathroom for ages – or just a few minutes, depending on who you asked. Those little disagreements hardly qualified as real arguments, though.

Michael was Jill's thirteen-year-old brother. His favourite pastime was playing soccer in his school's team. He took after his father in most aspects and planned on taking over the practice someday, but that was still far away in the future.

Finally, there was the family's pet, a slightly too chubby tomcat named Sam, who liked catching mice in the garden and presenting them to his family, preferably by putting them on Adrian's favourite armchair or the kitchen counter. Needless to say, the Bakers weren't as happy about that as they should have been – in Sam's opinion.

Well… at least that was how things had been until, about a week ago, Jill had left for Kylie's place. Nobody had seen her since then.

And everything had changed.

Mary, together with some friends, neighbours and relatives as well as all the members of her bible club, started praying for Jill's safety. Michael, not knowing how to help, began shutting himself off from everything. Nobody knew what he did when he locked himself in his room, but nobody asked, either. Sam, who had always enjoyed Jill's presence, started burying the mice he caught in Jill's bed, but of course nobody noticed.

Adrian, though, was different. Instead of accepting the situation as it was or passively hoping that everything would turn out all right, he wanted to _do_ something, to take the initiative and find his daughter. He just didn't know how. He needed to do something, he had to do something, and it drove him crazy to know that he couldn't.

That was how, though he didn't even know how it had come this far, he was standing in his living room, a strange, echo-y voice in his head that made his heart race and his palms sweaty with fear, and yet… and yet, he knew that this was his last hope.

**"You summoned me"**

Although it was not a question, Adrian felt compelled to answer.

"Y-yes, I did"

**"So… is it thy wish to form a contract?"**

Adrian swallowed nervously. "Yes"

**"Are you sure?"**

The voice was chuckling slightly, teasing him.

**"If you do, your soul will be mine"**

"I'm sure. I want to form the contract"

With this demon's help, Adrian would find whoever had taken his little daughter.

And he would take his sweet revenge...


	4. I remember you

Chapter Three – I remember you

Back in London, I had just woken up. My head hurt, and I didn't remember anything that had happened after I had read that damned letter...

Looking at my surroundings, I sighed. It wasn't hard to guess what I had done: My room was a mess. What had once been the bed was now but a heap of shreds of silk bedding and splintered wood, with some feathers among them. The wardrobe was lying in pieces, and the torn remains of my clothes were scattered across the room.

Suddenly, I felt anxious. If I had destroyed everything, did that mean... Sebastian's letter, too, was...

I frantically began digging through the pile of trash that had once been furniture, frantically searching. My throat felt constricted and I found it hard to breathe. I felt like there was an ice cold hand reaching into my chest and slowly clenching around my heart, and I was suffocating...

And then, finally, I found it.

Sebastian's letter was unharmed.

I exhaled slowly, then I shook my head, mentally scolding myself. 'Suffocating'? It wasn't like I needed to breathe, being a demon and all, and when had I started caring about that stupid, offensive letter in the first place? Really, it would be best if I just ripped it to pieces, or burnt it, so I would never have to look at it again.

After a moment of hesitation, I folded it and slipped it into my pocket.

I could still destroy it later, right?

* * *

"Do you need any help?"

I sighed. "No thanks. I'll be fine. Can you go ahead and get the car ready?"

I mentally slapped myself. He didn't have to 'get the car ready'. It already was 'ready', and we'd just have to get in and go.

Thomas, my driver, smiled at me. "Okay. Just call me if you change your mind"

And with that, I returned to looking for something to wear that wasn't completely torn. I really shouldn't have gone berserk like that... but what bugged me even more than that was the fact that Sebastian could have fixed this mess in the blink of an eye while I was absolutely clueless as to how.

Deciding that I wouldn't find anything here, I began searching the other rooms and eventually found a box with clothes in the attic. I opened it and smiled slightly. I hadn't even outgrown them! Well, I shouldn't have. Those had been tailored for the season in the same year that I had become a demon, and I hadn't grown since then...

It took me a while, but I managed to dress myself. Nowadays' clothes were a lot easier to wear, really. Anyway, once dressed, I went outside to meet Thomas at the car.

He tried to hide his smile when he saw me.

"I didn't know we were going anywhere fancy"

"We're not", I replied. "But that was all I could find. We'll have to... go shopping later, I guess. Or you do the shopping, I don't really care for it. Anyway, until then, we'll both have to endure this. I can't help it"

"I didn't mean to offend you", he quickly said. "It's just that I haven't seen you in that kind of clothing before – it suits you, really. It's cute"

I huffed and got in to the car.

"To the graveyard... please"

"As you wish", Thomas sighed, then he got into the car as well.

We both remained silent during the ride to the graveyard, and once we were there, I told him to wait in the car. Then I left.

The first grave I went to see was my parents'. It was well-kept – perhaps a pay rise for the gardener was in order.

**EARL VINCENT PHANTOMHIVE**

**AND**

**COUNTESS RACHEL PHANTOMHIVE**

**MEMENTO MORI**

**AD 1885**

And, a bit below that,

**EARL CIEL PHANTOMHIVE**

**AD 1890**

Elisabeth had had that one added. On my fifteenth birthday, she had given up on me.

Talking about Elisabeth...

**LADY ELIZABETH ETHEL CORDELIA MIDFORD**

**AD 1890**

...only a few days after my name had been added to my parents' tombstone, Elisabeth and I had had a deadly encounter. Well, deadly for her. She had been overjoyed to see me standing before her in her bedroom, had given me her soul almost willingly...

**PRINCE SOMA ASMAN KADAR**

**AGNI**

**AD 1898**

Those two had, ironically, died on their way to the graveyard. After Lizzie had died, Soma and Agni had taken care of her and my graves – and then, on that fateful day... Soma, careless as always, had run onto the street, oblivious to the cars that were rapidly approaching. Agni, in a last, futile attempt to save his Prince, had thrown himself in front of him. They had died together, in each other's arms, and that actually made me a little jealous. To be able to die in your beloved's arms...

What was I thinking again? I shouldn't fantasize about that kind of thing. And really, whose arms would I want to die in? Sebastian's? Our relationship wasn't, and had never been, even similar to the bond that had connected Soma and Agni.

...Maybe the souls I consumed were having some influence on my mind and I was turning into a pea-brained, love-sick schoolgirl.

**TANAKA**

**MEY-RIN**

**BARDROY**

**FINNIAN**

Tanaka, unable to cope with the loss of yet another master, had hanged himself. Mey-Rin, Bard and Finny had died in an accident. There seemed to have been a gas leak in the kitchen... well, I doubted that it had really been an accident.

Even after all these years, visiting their graves made me feel sad and lonely. They had all died among their friends or lovers, and they had all been happy when they had died. Why couldn't I be that lucky? I had to spend eternity all by myself. Really, why hadn't Sebastian just taken my soul when he'd had the chance?

I returned to the car, mentally slapping myself. Really, I had never been a very emotional person, and there was no need to start it now, especially when the people concerned were already dead.

Ah, I was such a fool...


	5. I miss you

Chapter Four – I miss you

Thomas was waiting for me at the car, a cautious expression on his face that quickly turned into a polite smile when our gazes met.

"Are you all right? You look a bit shaken"

"I'm fine, thank you", I calmly responded.

Looking at Thomas, I could tell that he didn't buy it. But, instead of saying something about it, he asked, "Is Mr Michaelis' grave here as well?"

For a moment I was dumbstruck. I hadn't expected that.

"What a funny question", I then mused. "How do you know about Sebastian?"

Thomas shrugged. "My Grandfather told me. He said that you cried a lot after Mr Michaelis left"

That's what you got when you went soft on your servants. They became all nosy and inquisitive and started caring about things they shouldn't even know about…

I crossed my arms. "Sebastian is a demon, and a strong one too. I doubt that he's dead, and even if he were… it doesn't matter to me. He was just a butler"

Thomas gave me a sceptical look, but he still changed the topic.

"It must be hard to outlive everyone you know… don't you feel lonely?"

"I never had many friends", I said, then I got into the car. "We still need to pick up my new school uniform", I pointed out. "And I need some other things, too. And I think it's time for a new haircut", and then, when Thomas didn't reply, I added, "I don't have time to waste, you know? There's a telephone conference tonight, and I want to be back by then"

Thomas seemed to get the hint; he got into the car and started the engine.

"Still, you were kinda close, right? You and your butler…"

He shot me a curious glance, and I looked away.

"Seems like he didn't think so", I muttered. "I can't say I disliked him, though…"

I was so pathetic.

I still remembered the day when I had hired Thomas' Grandfather. Well, actually, Sebastian had hired him the day he had left…

Tall, blonde, and fairly handsome, Mr William Grey had looked just like Thomas did now. He had been very polite. When he had first approached me – I had been in my bedroom at that time, reading and re-reading Sebastian's letter in a somewhat futile attempt to understand the meaning behind my butler's words – I had thought he was a burglar of sorts and had been ready to kill him then and there. Then, he had explained himself: Sebastian, not wanting to leave me all by myself, had hired him in order to look after me.

Mr Grey's words had made me realize that Sebastian really wasn't coming back, and although I had felt like curling up in my bed and weeping, I had forced myself to remain calm and collected, and I had made a contract with Mr Grey – not the Faustian kind of contract, just a simple employment contract that basically said that Mr Grey was my driver and that he was to follow me wherever I decided to live. In return, I provided him and his family with food and lodging and, of course, a certain weekly allowance. That contract hadn't changed much until today – Thomas worked under the same conditions, with only minor changes due to changes in law or etiquette.

A few years ago, Thomas had married a young woman named Charlotte, and since then, she was a member of the household, too – and my cook, at least officially. I didn't need a cook, or even food, and to be quite honest, I didn't need a driver, either, but I enjoyed their company. They were a more than welcome distraction at times when I felt so depressed I could hardly find the motivation to get up in the mornings, and they almost made me feel like I was part of a family again, especially with Charlotte currently being pregnant – because I had to admit that I was a little excited about that.

Thomas and Charlotte were the only friends I had, and that thought made me both happy and sad.

When Thomas and I returned home, I decided to spend the night in Sebastian's room – the master bedroom was a terrible mess, after all, and while I didn't want to admit it, I really missed Sebastian, and I couldn't help but bury my face in his pillow and take in his scent when I went to bed. It brought back so many memories…

Like I had done many times since Sebastian had left me, I cried myself to sleep that night…


End file.
